(no subject)

 i feel pathetic.
there are so many people out there with real problems.
and i sit here with my crazy mind and my hollow tummy 
thinking i have issues 
no.
real issues are bigger than me
im pathetic that i sit here expecting people to feel bad for me 
because im skinny and i dont eat 
i need to suck it up and grow up
ill just wither away in silence 
no more feeling sorry 

(no subject)

- I hear horror stories about girls who don't eat - how their hair turns white and their gums bleed. But I feel beautiful, perfect. I am all pale and bone-pale flesh and pale hair and I am light. I am like some fairy thing. I dream about fairies dancing around the house with rib cages showing like baskets under their flesh. I could drift up and away from here. I am so light. Bound by nothing. Not even time. And I am pure now.

(no subject)

So today is a new day and its already not so good i mean nothing to complain about but well Colton hasnt texted me today he said he was sick yesterday afternoon he said he would take a nap and text me when he woke up but he hasnt text me since then so i cant help to worryy
its what i do i worry alot.
but im alking to william now and he is really nice but idk i just dont trust him i dont trust anyone but Colton and hes so distant..
grr..
lol more laterr

today

i already ate this morning i have no self control already 420 freaking calories i cant eat for the rest of the day at least i ate them in the morning hopefully i can burn them all off
i guess im single again its weird im sad about it but i dont know why i am Sean is a piece of crap he dumped me for this other girl who is way thinner and more beautiful than me so no wonder but i still like talking to him i shouldnt though i dont like that i do
but im looking forward to tonight because americas got talent and so you think you can dance are on. yay
i no im so pathetic i should be going to parties or hanging out with people but i have no real friends except one and she is in brazil with her dad so bummer fml..

(no subject)

 god my back hurts like a mother today i swear gosh i want someone to massage it for me! hehe
so about how im doing well i binged yesterday and today i have already been forced to eat chinese food
ugh make me wanna die grrr.


But i will not let it ruin my day i am still going to fast the rest of the day like i planned.

Plus i decided that im going to start putting thinspo on my journal too :]

It makes me more motivated and maybe if anyone even reads my journal they will checkk it out too

so itss a win win hehe

just life

Okay so life isnt too bad
i have an amazing boyfriend now
stephen :]
hes my lifee
he lives in mississippi
but coming to visit soon!
So Ana wise ehh.
i dont know its hard
im binging on
soup today
and purge purge purging
i weigh 105 this morning when i checkked
pretty good id say
not perfect never perfect
but getting there :]


(no subject)

im so screwed up that if someone else is happy and they flaunt it in front of people it royally royally pisses me off so bad god i just want to punch something geezus and it should not make me so upset. but hell my brain is not like the rest of the planet go figure.